Celery
by Artemis J. Halk
Summary: What happens when the Gorillaz get a maid. Drabbles, random humour and fluff occur within. Rated for language and mature refrecences.
1. In Which Noone Remembers

Chapter One: In Which No-one Remembers

There was someone in the shooting range. And besides the fact that all four members of the band should have been accounted for, whoever was in the shooting range was way to good for their own good.

Noodle looked over to 2D, who looked to Noodle in turn.

"Russle-san was in the kitchen, doing whatever it is that he does in there..." Noodle started.

"And Murdoc was in his room, writing music," 2D finished, pulling open the door. They fell back onto the floor, screaming. The young woman on the other side of the door opened her mouth and screamed to, but it wasn't a real scream. (She just screamed for the sake of screaming.)

"Who the bloody hell are you?!" 2D exclaimed sharply.

"And I could ask the same thing of the two of you," the woman responded with just as much bite. "Actually, I don't need to, because I know who you are." She put her hands on her hips, scowling down at Noodle and 2D.

"Well, how did you get in here?" 2D asked.

"The door was open."

"The door is always open, D-san!" Noodle glared at her blue-haired friend.

"Yes. That is why I came in. Well, I mean..."

"Celi? You down here?" Russle's heavy voice called down the hallway.

"Yeah. And a bunch of thick-headed idiots."

"Huh? Oh, it's you two." Russle frowned down at 2D and Noodle, still on the floor. "I told you last week that Kong Studio was sending over someone. And I told you on Monday that she was here."

"She's been here since Monday?" Noodle groaned, accepting a hand up from Russle. "Oh, I am so un-observant."

"Well, seeing as how you totally spaced when I told you the first time, Kong Studio has sent over someone to oversee our living arrangement for four months."

"So, you're like a maid?" 2D asked.

"More like a glorified _baby-sitter_." She rolled her eyes. 2D gave her a rather odd look. "What? Can't stand the heat, don't tickle the dragon."

"Eh?" 2D scratched his head in confusion. "She can't be much older than us. Russle, why'd they send over such a young person? Why do we need a baby-sitter?"

"Excuse me, but have you seen the state of your house recently? It isn't exactly going to pass a health-examination anytime in the next decade."

"So... what were you doing in the shooting range anyways?"

"Killing some time-- I was bored." She unclipped a small hand-gun from her belt and started whipping it down with a rag. "You can go in there now, if you want, 2D, Noodle."

"Wait... what's your name, though?"

"You can call me Celi."

"And here's a hint... Don't bother Shaun," Noodle whispered as she walked away. "But you can come clean my room if you want!"

"Okay."

"Heh," 2D grinned at Celi. "You can come sleep in my room."

"Pervert," Celi frowned at him. "I have my own room. Next to Noodle's and Russle's room."

"Okay."

"See you around, Two-Dimensional." Celi waved lazily as she walked away.

"Four months? I'd better go hide my stash before she cleans my room..." 2D whispered to Russle before dashing off.


	2. In Which Murdoc is Surprised

Chapter Two: In Which Murdoc is Surprised By A Toilet Brush

Murdoc slammed open the door to the Winbago that he lived in and stormed into his "space". Upon entering his rooms, he tripped over something and fell flat on his face. Murdoc blinked, looking to what he had tripped over. A blue and white toilet brush. It looked too new and clean and totally out of place in his place.

"What the bloody fucking hell?" The toilet flushed, and Murdoc jumped to his feet and dashed to the bathroom. There was a strange girl busy with a plunger above his toilet. "What the bloody fucking hell are you doing?"

"What the bloody fucking hell does it look like I'm doing, you dumb-arse?"

"Don't talk to me like that bitch! Who the hell asked you to clean anyways?" Murdoc asked with a triumph smile on his face, hopeful that he could kick her out.

"Kong." She went back to furiously working at the clog in his toilet.

"Oh." Murdoc's smile fell. If Kong had sent her, he could loose his contract, loose money, if he sent her away.

"By the way, nice collection of porn."

"W-w-what?" Murdoc stiffened. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Whatever." Celi rolled her eyes. "_Don't_... be late for dinner tonight. It's a seven." Murdoc stormed out of his Winbago, to reserve what little was left of his dignity.


	3. In Which Dinner Is Served

Chapter Three: In Which Dinner Is Served

(Translations at bottom)

"Yum!" Noodle exclaimed, licking her lips as Celi placed a plate in front of her, with white rice with various vegetables in it and tsukemono, then a bowl with miso soup and a separate plate with three sushi rolls on it.

"Oh, come on!" 2D exclaimed, eyeing his own meal. "What kind of dinner is this?"

"A good one, 2D!"

"Yes! And this'll make your constipation go away!" Celi announced, holing up what looked like black beans. "But don't eat to much of it."

"But, I don't have constipation!"

"_Riiiiiight_!"

The door to the kitchen suddenly burst open and Murdoc strolled in.

"You are _late_, Murdoc-san!" Celi announced, throwing down the beans that she was holding onto a plate. "You should be glad that I'm allowing you to eat!"

"Oh, come off it!" Murdoc rolled his eyes as Celi shoved a plate loaded with those beans. Noodle snickered behind her hand but didn't say anything as Murdoc began eating.

"Hn, this is actually good," Murdoc nodded as he ate.

"Oh, by the way, Murdoc-san," Celi started as she put more beans onto his plate. "I found the rest of your collection. You have a vast collection of _porn_." Noodle started choking on her miso soup. "I wasn't sure how you wanted it arranged, so I just did it by publisher and then by the date published."

"_Niiiiiiice_." 2D grinned at the rather flustered Murdoc.

"Murudoku-san wa echii!" Noodle giggled, stabbing her chopstick into one of the pickles on her plate.

"Don't stab your food, Soba-chan, it's not very becoming of a young lady."

"Hai, Sereri-sama." Noodle picked up the pickle properly with her chopsticks, brining it to her mouth. The two of them started talking in rapid Japanese for about five minutes.

"Man, I hate it when she talks Japanese like that," Murdoc whispered to Russle and 2D. "I can't follow that quickly and I fear that they're talking bad about me."

"...Okay. I see. So this giant head lives in your closet," Celi finished in English.

"Right. Shaun."

"See? Their only talking about Shaun!" 2D reassured Murdoc.

"Well, if you guys are finished, I have work to do!"

"Urg..." Murdoc groaned, clutching his stomach. "I don't feel so well."

"That'll teach you next time not to piss me off," Celi started. "Least I feed you a natural laxative again."

"Uh-oh..." Murdoc ran out of the room.

Translations:

Murudoku-san wa echii: Mr. Murdoc is a pervert!

Sereri-sama : Ms. Celery

Soba-chan: Little Noodle (Lit: Little Buckwheat noodles)


	4. In Which Band Practice Is Delayed

Chapter Four: In Which Band Practice Is Delayed

"Dammit, now we have nothing to do," 2D sighed, leaning on the back of the chair that he was sitting on. "Why'd you let Celi feed Murdoc all of those damned laxatives anyways?"

"Celi was hired to clean up, so she figured that it would be a start." Noodle shrugged, turning a page in her (not porn) magazine. "That's what we were talking about at dinner. We only started talking about Shaun to throw you guys off."

"I knew it!" 2D announced, throwing down the (porn) magazine that he was reading.

"You shouldn't be reading that stuff, Two-Dimensional," Celi announced, seeming like she had popped out of now where.

"Whoa!" 2D fell off from the chair that he was sitting in. "Where the bloody hell did you come from?" Celi picked up the magazine and put it into a black messenger bag that she had.

"Over there." Celi pointed to the door, which was open. "By the way..." Celi opened up her back to show the three musicians it's contents. "I will set up a lost and found somewhere. You will go there to reclaim any items that I find."

"But what about my magazine?" 2D wailed.

"I lied a dinner. I'm actually taking them all. Soba-chan and I are going to have a bon-fire."

"Noodle?!" 2D asked in desperation, looking to his best friend.

"Heh..." Noodle laughed, grinning like a maniac.

Chapter Four-Point-Five: In Which There Is No Reading Material

"Damn that woman!" Murdoc exclaimed from inside the bathroom. "First she feeds me laxatives for dinner, then she takes away my secret bathroom stash!"

--Ghastly Noises Follow--


	5. In Which Murdoc Plots

I have no idea why chapter five won't post... so I had to copy and paste it in here... sorry about that...

Chapter Five: In Which Murdoc Plots

After many, many hours, Murdoc had finally flushed everything from his body. So, after he got back from the quickie mart, he started to plot his revenge against the pink-haired baby-sitter/maid from Kong.  
Murdoc started drawing a series of cartoon-like boxes with crude stick figure monkeys to represent his friends, a raven to represent himself, and a cow to represent Celi.  
"Yes! Yes! YES! YES! _YES! YES!_ _**YES!!**_" Murdoc started yelling.  
Outside, in the carpark, 2D, Russel, Noodle, and Celi were standing and watching Murdoc's Winbago shaking with excitement.  
"I hope that he's having a really good orgasm, otherwise, I'm really scared..." Celi whispered to the others.  
"I'm just scared... kyoufu desu nee... Hold me, Sereri-sama..." Noodle whispered in a fearful voice.  
The door to Murdoc's van suddenly flew open and he jumped out and onto the oil-stained cement.  
"Er..." Murdoc started, looking at the four faces looking at him. "What the bloody fucking hell are you guys looking at?"  
"..." Was what everyone else said.  
"Okay then!" Celi suddenly announced, clapping her hands together. "Time for bed!" She suddenly ran off.

Translations:  
kyoufu desu nee: (I am) scared!!


	6. In Which There Is An Elephant

Once again, I appoligize for chapter five. I still don't know what the hell was wrong with it! (It's fixed now, though...)

Chapter Six: In Which There Is An Elephant

_EEEEEEENNNNNNNUUUUUUUUU!!!_ (Elephant sound)

2D shot up in his bed, looking frantically around his dirty room.

"What the bloody fucking hell was that?!" 2D exclaimed. A few moments passed, so 2D thought that it might have just been his imagination. So, he lay down again, closing his eyes in hope that he could get a few more moments of sleep before someone came in to wake him up.

_THUMP!_

The entire house seemed to shake on its foundation. 2D's heart was thumping loudly in his ears, as he tried to calm himself.

_TWEEEEEEE!_ (Whistle blowing)

"ELEPHANT!" Noodle screamed right outside his door. 2D ran to his door and threw it open, coming face-to-face with the elephant that lived on the first floor of their house.

_EEEEEEENNNNNNNUUUUUUUUU!!!_The elephant went, blowing back 2D's hair and making his cheeks and arms blow out with the force of the blow.

Once the elephant had said good morning to 2D, 2D gained what little was left of his dignity, wiped his mouth free from the spit that had gathered in the elephant's g-force greeting, and promptly slammed the door on the elephant's face.

2D made it his goal not to look outside his door if he heard any more odd noises outside. Dangerous things could happen to him.

* * *

Chapter Six-point-five: In Which There is a Crocodile

Despite his earlier promise not to go check out odd noises (which 2D had obviously forgotten), he whimpered as Celi bandaged his fingers that the Crocodile (who lived in one of the kitchens) had nearly bitten off as Celi moved to take it out to the waiting animal control truck.

"Quit your whining. If you guys didn't live in such a state, you wouldn't be like this."

"Shut up."


	7. In Which Pumpkins Are Carved

Chapter Seven: In Which Pumpkins Are Carved

"Yeah!" Celi burst into the practice room, five pumpkins under her arms. "It's Hallows Eve tonight! We need to carve some pumpkins!"

"First good idea you've had, bitch," Murdoc grumbled into his music.

"Nu-uh! What about removing the live animals?" Noodle protested. "The house smells _soo_ much better!"

"And she hasn't been that bad since she let me take my magazines back," 2D pointed out.

"Well, we should start right away!" Celi went on, handing everyone their own pumpkin. "And wait until you guys see my piece de resistance!"

Everyone went into the kitchen and started carving their pumpkins.

Murdoc make his pumpkin into a little devil, with horns and on the back, was a little tail.

Noodle did a Japanese geisha that looked very realistic after she had painted it.

2D did a rather realistic Michael Jackson with his pumpkin. And the creepiest part was when he put in a motion-sensor in it and every-time someone walked past, it went Hoo-Hoo!

Russel did a boring old pumpkin.

"Okay... lets see your cool pumpkin..." Murdoc stated in a bored voice.

"Hoo-Hoo!" Went the Michael Jackson pumpkin.

"They're already outside!" Celi lead them outside with their pumpkins in their arms.

"Hoo-Hoo!" Went the pumpkin. Celi walked outside, and showed everyone her four pumpkins. Each pumpkin was carved into a perfect likeness of each member of the Gorillaz.

"Oh, that's so good!" Noodle exclaimed, jumping up and down out of excitement.

"Hoo-Hoo!"

"Yeah! This is awesome!" Russel remarked, holding up the pumpkin next to his head. Besides the fact that the pumpkin was orange, it looked just like him.

"Humph." Murdoc humped, looking away. But, he gave a small smile, and everyone knew that he was happy, though he didn't want to ruin his rep.

"Hoo-Hoo!"


	8. In Which Noodle Is A Girl

Urg... This chapter was doing that same wierd thing that chapter five was doing... It's giving me a headache...

Chapter Eight: In Which Noodle Is A Girl

"Gaah! Where the fuck is Noodle?" Murdoc exclaimed, throwing down his new song. "Dinner at seven, band practice at seven-thirty! How bloody hard is that?!"  
"We're going out!" Celi called from nearby. Murdoc stormed over to the door, threw it open and dropped his precious bass on the floor. Which he didn't notice. He was that shocked.  
He had seen Noodle in many and various outfits.  
But this drew the line of fame and...  
Well, he wasn't quite sure how to describe this.  
"Murdoc?" 2D asked, coming to see what the problem is, Russel right behind him. 2D's jaw dropped open and Russel dropped his brand new drum sticks onto the floor.  
"What?" Noodle snapped at her band-mates. "Haven't you ever seen a girl before in your life?"  
"Yes... but... you..." Murdoc started.  
"Yes, that's correct, Murdoc-san. I am a girl!" Noodle reminded them. "I can wear a dress, can I not, if I want to?"  
"But... that..." Murdoc stammered some more.  
"Sorry about that that, Soba-chan!" Celi held up her car-keys. "Lets go!"  
"Wait! You two can't just go out like that!"  
"Why not?"  
"You two look like..."  
"Angels..." 2D drooled.  
"Oh-kay. We're going out dancing. See you guys later!" Noodle exclaimed, the door closing firmly behind her. And her hot-pink mini-dress.  
"Close your mouth," Russel told 2D, closing his mouth with a firm snap. "You'll attract flys."  
"She's so hot..."  
"What about band rehearsal?!" Murdoc finally yelled, several minutes too late, thanks to his surprise.


	9. In Which Celi Feels Pretty

Chapter Nine: In Which Celi Feels Pretty

"I FEEL PRETTY!" The lights in the instrument room swayed as Celi pranced above on the first floor.

"OH SO PRETTY!" Murdoc ground his teeth together, trying to ignore the horridly-singing maid as she pranced around.

"I FEEL PRETTY, AND WITTY, AND GAY!!" The pencil Murdoc was holding snapped in two as Celi belt out a rather high note. Noodle giggled, slipping inside the instrument room, dressed as Princess Peach.

"Celi-san feels pretty," Noodle stated rather pointlessly. "Sereri-san wa kirei _desu nee_!" She giggled, bitting on her pink nails.

"Well, tell her to stop singing!" Murdoc growled.

"Tey-oh! SERERI-SAN!!"

"AND I PITY... NANI?!"

"Come here, silly!" Noodle beckoned the older girl into the instrument room.

Murdoc looked up from the song that he was trying to write, ready to tell Celi off for disrupting him. His jaw hung slack, nearly a foot from the ground as she pranced in.

Celi was wearing a red corset with black and silver trimming, a black mini skirt with little silver flowers at the edge, artfully ripped fishnet stockings that went under her tall, black and silver boots. Celi also had on a pair of white angel wings; the tips of the feathers looked burnt, and there were artfully drawn crosses and words written in what looked like blood.

Her normally pinkish-red hair was dyed black; so inky that it looked almost blue in the lighting. Her eyes were a startling green colour, but weren't her eyes always green, anyways? They were outlined with dark, dark khol and then shadowy red makeup.

"...Any girl who isn't me today," Celi finished the line rather lamely. "Close your mouth, Murdoc. Or else weasels will make a nest in your mouth."

"I think it's missing something, luv." Murdoc finally stated, getting up and circling around her.

"What's that?" Celi laughed nervously.

"Ah! I know!" Murdoc pulled out a furry, black devil headband and placed it onto her head. Celi smiled at him. Not her normal, I'm-going-to-kill-you-you-dipwad smile that she normally gave him. This one was a genuine smile that she normally only gave to Noodle or (sometimes) to Russel.

"You look pretty, Celi." Murdoc finally stated. "Where are you going, anyways?"

"On a date with my boy-toy!" With that, Celi pranced out of the room.

"I FEEL PRETTY, OH SO PRETTY..."

Translations:

Sereri-san wa kirei _desu nee_: Ms. Celery _is_ pretty!

NANI: WHAT?!


	10. In Which Kisses Make Everything Better

Chapter Ten: In Which Kisses Make Everything Better

Murdoc was not one to be easily distracted, but today, he couldn't focus, so he went searching for a quiet place that he could work on the song that he was trying to write. He finally went into the kitchen. The oddly clean kitchen.  
Celi was the only person in there, cooking something, which she was rather good at. He decided that this would be a good place to sit and work, so he walked in and sat down at the kitchen table.  
"Oh, hello, Murdoc-san. Ogenki desu ka?" One of the few Japanese phrases that he knew. "Hai, genki desu." He nodded his head. "I'm going to work here. I can't focus today."  
"That's fine. It is your kitchen, after all."  
"Huh," Murdoc ignored her, focusing on his task at hand. Celi, in turn, ignored him, and started running water to do the dishes.  
Murdoc managed to write in two more notes before he got stuck again. He looked around the (apparently white-tiled) room, his eyes focusing on Celi, standing at the sink. She was softly humming a tune that Murdoc's own mother used to sing to him when he was little.  
Murdoc started humming softly to himself, drawing up a blank sheet of composition paper. He was so absorbed with writing down his new song idea, he didn't notice anything until Celi spoke her distress.  
"Ow." She had been chopping up oregano for that night's dinner, and had nicked her finger, which was bleeding. Murdoc looked up, startled at the distraction.  
Before he knew what he was doing, he was up, walking over to her, and tugging on her bleeding hand.  
Murdoc gently kissed her wound, getting a small amount of her blood on his lips.  
Celi's face turned as red as her blood, looking him right in the eye.  
"Murdoc-sama..." She whispered, her voice hardly audible.  
"Kisses make everything better," he replied in a whisper. He couldn't tear his eyes away from her.  
A timer went off, breaking the spell.  
"My cookies are done!" Murdoc grabbed his paper and left the kitchen as quickly as he could.

Translations:  
Ogenki desu ka: How are you? (Lit: Are you healthy?)  
Hai, genki desu. : Yes, I am healthy.  



	11. In Which Noodle Goes Pink

Chapter Eleven: In Which Noodle Goes Pink

"I have an announcement to make!" Noodle announced, standing up on her chair in the instrument room. "I'm going to start a new revolution... and this revolution shall be called:'PINKU no kaiten'!" 2D's eye started twitching and Murdoc slipped off his seat. "From here on out, we shall wear nothing but pink!"

"Eh?!" Was Murdoc's smart reply.

"Whoa-whoa-whoa!" 2D exclaimed, waving his arms about. "You can't decide what we can and can't wear, Noodle!"

"Not me... but maybe... your maid does..."

"YES!! FLY, MY PRETTIES, FLY!!" Celi screamed, running through the room dressed as a flying monkey from the Wizard of Oz. "KAKAKAKAKA!!"

"..." Everyone else sweat-dropped.

"CELI!!" Noodle yelled, but it was to late. Their barmy cleaning lady had already left the area.

"I don't believe this!" 2D threw down his music and dashed down to his bedroom, throwing open the closet.

"IT BURNS!!!" Celi yelled, now dressed as a peanut M&M.

"What... How... you..." Murdoc stammered, looking between Celi and 2D's pink closet.

"Sereri-sama...?" Noodle asked, her face falling.

"PINKU wa _dakirau_..." Celi hissed, drawing pack from 2D's closet in obvious repulsion.

"So much for my pink revolution..." Noodle stated, tears falling from her eyes as 2D ripped down his new pink clothes.

Translations

PINKU no kaiten : Pink revolution

PINKU wa dakirau... : (I) _hate_ pink...


	12. In Which 2D Has A Stalker

Chapter Twelve: In Which 2D Has A Stalker

_Du-du-du-du-du-duu..._ (Cellphone ring-tone)

"Hello?"

"Eh-he... Eh-heee..." (Sounds of heavy breathing)

"Hello? I know that you're there, Noodle... I can hear you breathing..."

"This isn't Noodle..." said the deep, creepy voice on the other end.

"Who the bloody hell is this?

"Your fly is open." The line went dead.

"What the hell?" 2D checked. His fly _was_ undone. But that was still _no_ reason for creepy people to call him!

_Du-du-du-du-du-duu..._

"WHAT?!"

"That's no way to answer your phone, 2D-san!" Noodle scolded him on the other end.

"Sorry, Noodle. I've been getting these _really_ creepy phone calls recently. I keep blocking the number, but whoever is calling always seems to be getting through anyways!"

"Huh. That's odd. Oh well. I hope that you figure out your stalker problem though!" Noodle hung up before she could remember that she needed to get a ride.

_Du-du-du-du-du-duu..._

"Noodle?"

"No, it's _meeeeeee_ again!"

Click.

"Guys, I have a huge problem."

"What?"

"I think that someone is stalking me."

"Sucks for you, 2D," Celi stated. "I had an ex-boyfriend of mine stalk me. It was creepy. He kept calling me at all hours of the night."

"What did you finally do?"

"Put on a Barney suit and tap danced."

"You did what?!"

"Oh, sorry. I was reading out-loud," Celi grinned sheepishly up at him. "No, I had to get a restraining order put onto him. Now he can't come within 50 feet of me without breaking the order." Celi paused to answer back the blinking menu on her laptop. "But if that doesn't work, you could always try the Barny thing. Hey... it worked for my friend here."

"Why? What was your friend trying to do?"

"Entertain little children and make money."

"..." 2D left Celi to her own devices.

_Du-du-du-du-du-duu..._

"Gah! What?"

"You look very youthful today, 2D..." the creepy voice stated.

"WHO THE BLOODY HELL IS THIS?!"

"You look... Like a pickle... Which is not normally youthful, but today, on you, you look youthful as a pickle."

"2D... I have found your stalker!"

"MY NAME IS MATO GAI, AND YOU, 2D, ARE VERY YOUTHFUL!!"

NO WAY!! THIS IS NOT HAPPENING!! 2D screamed inside his head. Those eyelashes are to creepy for words!!

"2D!!" Celi was screaming in his ear. He sat up in his bed with a start. "Sorry to bother you, but you were screaming. Loudly. In your sleep."

"So it was just a dream?"

"Yes. Just a dream," Celi smiled reassuringly at him. "Now, come and meet my friend, Mato Gai!"

It's the nightmare that never ends/It goes on and on my friends!...


	13. In Which There Are Experiments

Out of the thirty-two chapters that I have written so far, this one is my favourite. In more ways than one!

* * *

Chapter Thirteen: In Which There Are Experiments

"Guys, I just read an interesting theory on the Internet!" Celi announced suddenly, startling everyone else, who had been eating lunch at the time.

"Oh yeah? Lets hear it then..." Murdoc sneered at her.

"Okay... So you know how cats always land on their feet?"

"Yeah..."

"And how buttered toast always lands butter-side down?"

"Sure..."

"Well, it says here that if someone where to tie buttered toast butter-side up onto the back of a cat and push her off of a building, then they would fall, and, inches before they reached the bottom, they would both stop, and start spinning in an infinite loop because it's not sure which side that it should fall onto."

A pause. Then...

"That_has_ to be _the_ _stupidest_ idea that I have_ever_ heard!" 2D exclaimed.

Another pause. Then...

"Lets go try it!"

"I'll make toast!"

"I'll find a cat!"

"I'll buy more supplies!" Celi was suddenly left sitting in the kitchen, feeling very lost and confused.

"Okay... the buttered-toast-cat experiment from twenty feet. Go!" Noodle had her cam-corder out, recording everything that was going on. Celi carefully tied a piece of toast slathered with butter onto the poor cat that Murdoc had found lurking around somewhere in town.

Then 2D gently nudged the poor creature off from their rooftop.

The cat fell.

But it never hit the ground.

An inch from the bottom, the cat and toast started spinning, true to Celi's prediction (or whoever had written the article that she first read it from).

Faster and faster the cat-toast spun until they were just a brown-black blur to the human eye.

Then...

The cat-toast stopped spinning and landed toast-side down.

Murdoc, who was at the bottom, nudged the cat with his foot.

"It's dead!" He announced.

"...I can't believe that it worked!" 2D muttered, rather surprised.

"I can't belive that it's not butter..." Celi muttered, looking, horrified, at the butter container. But, it wasn't a butter container (as Celi had just announced.)

"WHAT?!" Everyone exclaimed at once, groaning. They'd have to re-do the entire test over just because Noodle couldn't buy regular butter.


	14. In Which You Enter The Noodle Dimension

Chapter Fourteen: In Which You Enter The Noodle Dimension

"Welcome to a world where things are too strange to be real," a disembodied voice spoke. "Welcome to... The Noodle Dimension."  
"Here we see Murdoc Nicalls, sleeping."  
"Celi, I swear if you're..." Murdoc started, pausing for her to fill in the blank in her deny. "Celi?" Murdoc cracked open an eye and looked around his bedroom. No one was there.  
"He already knows something is up." The voice went on.  
"What the bloody fucking hell?" Murdoc sat up, looking around his Winbago. No one was there, of course.  
"He starts to panic." Murdoc ran into the main building and didn't stop running until he found everyone else, eating breakfast in the kitchen.  
"Guys, something strange is going on!" Murdoc panted.  
"Morning, sunshine!" Celi smiled cheerly at him.  
"He asks his friends what is going on. They don't seem to notice."  
"Did you guys hear that?"  
"...Murdoc, how the bloody fucking hell could we not?!" Celi stated, frowning at him. "It's a loud, disembodied voice."  
"Oh, sorry guys. I forgot to tell you, but I hired someone to do a running commentary for us all," Noodle remarked in-between bites of toast. "You know... make life more interesting."  
"Everyone stared at Noodle in horror. She had just released the atomic bomb onto their lives."  
"Well, who'd you hire?" Celi asked.  
"I forget. But, he said that he had experience with a telly show, though. That's why I hired him." Celi groaned, smacking her face with her hand.  
"Well, come on. We need to put a stop to this." Everyone followed Celi to the control center for the house.  
"The door creeks open... they stare into the darkness while Celi fumbles for the light switch..."  
"Okay, that voice is seriously starting to creep me out now..." 2D mumbled to himself.  
"The lights flicker on and no one is there. They all take a step back before Murdoc screams and faints..."  
"EXCUSE ME!" Murdoc complained.  
"Rod Serling!" Celi exclaimed, looking at the man sitting in front of the controls. "Get out!"  
"Found out... Rod Serling makes his way, dejected, out. He still hopes that he'll get payed for his gig."  
"He will!" Noodle replied.  
"Reassured that Rod will still get payed, he then leaves."

Note: Rod Serling is the person who did the narration for The Twilight Zone.  



	15. In Which Missions Are Set

Chapter Fifteen: In Which Missions Are Set

"Damn that Celi..." 2D muttered, digging through one of his dresser drawers (a dresser that he had forgotten that he had until Celi had unearthed it...) to try and find his favourite tee-shirt. "And what kind of a name is Celi, anyways?"

"What kind of a name is Celi anyways?" 2D asked at band rehearsal later.

"A foreign name?" Noodle proposed.

"She said when she first came here, that it was short for something," Russel informed them.

"..." was 2D's response. "Well..."

"Well what?" Russel asked, feeling rather confused.

"Aren't you going to tell us Celi's real name?" 2D snapped.

"She never told me!"

"Then we must begin mission: 'Find Out Celi's Real Name'!" 2D announced.

Plan A: The Name Approach

"So... Celi... Celi... Celi... Celi... That's such a strange name, isn't it?"

"Yeah. I suppose."

"Celi... Celi... Celi... Celi... Celi..."

Celi got up and left the room.

Mission failed.

Plan B: The Direct Approach

"CELI!! I need to know what your name is!"

"Silly, you just said it! My name is Celi!"

Mission failed.

Plan C: The Desperate Approach

"Celi... I... need..."

"Oh my gosh, 2D! Are you alright!"

"I... need..."

"Yes? What Do you need?'

"I need... to know... your name..."

Celi dropped 2D's hand and left the room.

Mission failed.

Plan D: Noodle's Approach

"Hey, Celi..."

"Yeah, Soba-chan..."

"I was just wondering... but what is your name short for?"

"Why, you know that, silly! It's short for Celery!"

"... No it's not. You spell your name with an 'i' and celery doesn't have an 'i' in it."

"That's what you know."

Mission failed???

Next chapter: Celi's true name


	16. In Which The Truth Is Reviled

Chapter Sixteen: In Which The Truth Is Reviled

Plan E: Steal Her Phone

"Got it!" Murdoc announced, holding up her black and silver phone. Russel and 2D crowded around (Noodle was distracting Celi).

"Lets see... contacts..." Murdoc opened up the phone-book. "Hm... Chris... Cody... David... Erik... Eric..."

"Gods, how many guys does she know?" 2D grumbled. "Keep looking."

"...Judy..."

"Girl..."

"Kat... Lisa B... Lisa-chan... Maggie... Ah! Here we go! Parent1 and Parent2. Who should we call?"

"Try parent1 first."

"What should I say?"

"Give it here..." 2D grabbed the phone and called "parent1". "Hello? This is a friend of Celi's..."

"Oh, okay... What did you want?"

"We were just wondering what her real name is."

"Oh! As if you couldn't have figured that out yourself! It's..."

Mission completed.

"YES!"

"I KNEW IT!"

"What are the boys up to?"

"Beats me." Noodle lied. Celi stuck her hand into her pocket, and came up empty.

"Hang on, I'm expecting a call from my father."

OH SHITAKE! Time to get out of here!!

"Ha-ha-ha-haha!!" The three guys were dancing around the kitchen like a bunch of idiots. Holding her phone. Oh... they were _soooooooooooooo_ going to get it...

"What are you guys doing?" Fake innocence.

"Ha! We talked with your mother," Murdoc started. "And now we know your real name."

"Okay." Celi only shrugged.

"Celestial Roroushi."

"Stuart Pot."

"_Ohhh_... that had to hurt..."

"Oh, it's on now, bitch!"

"Bring it, suka."

Next chapter: Noodle's revolution makes a come back!!


	17. In Which Pink Comes Back

Chapter Seventeen: In Which Pink Comes Back

2D couldn't believe it. It was like a recurring nightmare or something. Expect that this was real life. But was it?

He pinched himself. HARD. Yep. It hurt.

Then there could only be one explanation for all of his regular clothes missing and replaced with pink clothes.

"NOODLE!" He stormed up to her room, kicked the door open and glared at her. She glared back at him. "Explain."

"Explain what?" Noodle complained, looking up at him from her bed.

"..." 2D fumed, before grabbing the Japanese princess and hulling her down to his room. He slammed open the door and stood, shell-shocked in his doorway.

Everything was pink. His bed... pink. His posters, covered up with bubbly J-pop stars.

And the piece-de-resistance... A giant, pink bunny hanging from the ceiling. It's beady, black button eyes seemed to stare right into 2D's very soul.

"Wow, 2D!" Noodle exclaimed, jumping up onto his now-pink and floral bed. "I didn't know that you liked Hikaru Utada that much!"

"I don't! I didn't put these up!" 2D growled, tearing down the posters. "And if you didn't know about this then... _**CELI**_!!"

The entire house seemed to shake with the power of his yell.

Next chapter: Celi teaches 2D a lesson


	18. In Which There Is RESPECT

Chapter Eighteen: In Which There Is RESPECT

"Celi! What is the meaning of this?"

"Oh my gosh! It's Hikaru Utada!" Celi squealed in a voice three octaves higher than her normal voice. "Do you even know who she is?"

"...EXPLAIN PINK!!" 2D roared at her.

"She did a lot of the music for the Final Fantasy video game series," Celi went on, oblivious to whatever 2D had just said.

"Oh, those are some good games," Murdoc piped up.

"I'm not much of a gamer, but even _I_ know that much!"

"CELI!"

"Oh, right. Well, I know this song, and perhaps thought that you ought to hear it." Murdoc, Russel, 2D and Noodle all slammed their hands over their ears as Celi took in a deep breath.

"R-E-S-P-E-C-T!" Celi started. Actually, she didn't sound that bad. "Find out what it means to me! R-E-S-P-E-C-T! Take care, TCB!" Celi then slapped 2D across the face. Hard. "Keep that in mind before you snoop through my things." Celi turned on her heel and sashayed out of the room.

"What a woman..." Murdoc sighed.

"What a hand!" 2D complained, feeling his raw, red cheek.

Next chapter: A huge sale at Hot Topic! Whoo-hoo!


	19. In Which There Is Snow

Chapter Nineteen: In Which There Is Snow

"OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD!!"

"Now what is she 'OMG''ing about this time?" Murdoc complained as Celi dashed past the instrument room, waving her arms like a maniac.

"With Celi..." Noodle started. "Who knows."

"I'm going to go put a stop to this!" Murdoc announced, throwing down his bass and walking out of the room.

Murdoc was nearly be-headed as Celi ran back, this time, with a snow shovel in her hands.

"OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD!!"

"Celi! CELI!"

"OH MY... Nani?!"

"What are you doing, you dip-wad?"

"Oh, it's snowing!"

"So?"

"I have to go somewhere! NOW!! Oh, I don't have time for this!" She took off running.

"Celi!"

"What?" She asked as she ran back again.

"Relax. I'm sure that the person that you're meeting will understand if you don't show up because you got snowed in."

"But..."

"No! Get in here! SIT!" Murdoc dragged Celi into the instrument room and pushed her down into an empty chair. "Okay, now, tell us where you needed to be so badly."

"There's a sale at Hot Topic. Everything is fifty to seventy-percent off. But one day only."

"What? Really?! Lets go then!"

Next chapter: XXLLXXIIH and IIXXMMK

Please review! (It'll make me update faster- I swear!)


	20. In Which There Is Running Commentary

I am so, so, so, so very sorry that I haven't been updating recently. My computer is giving me crap and it takes like an hour to upload one chapter... and then I tried to send myself the doc file for these next four chapters, and all that I got on any other computer was gigo. (Sighs.)

Enjoy!!

Chapter Twenty: In Which There Is Running Commentary

"Hello and welcome to the Super Smack-Talk, XXLLXXIIH. He's Bob"  
"And he's Jerry"  
"And we are here for what has to be the most talked-about Smack-Talk in history! Today's players are: the multi-talented super-smacker, the beautiful, the brainy, if not a bit barmy, Celi"  
"Facing her is the old-school fav., Murdoc"  
"That's right, Bob! This Smack-Talk is going to be written in the text-books; it's going to be so good"  
"Murdoc enters the arena. He looks ready for a good fight now, doesn't he, Jerry"  
"That's right, Bob! The suspense is so thick right now, you could cut into it like the cheese custard that I had for lunch"  
"Celi finally enters the arena. Let the show begin"  
"They lock eyes. Who will make the first blow, I wonder, Bob"  
"My bet is on Murdoc, but lets wait and see"  
"What"  
"Murdoc it is, Bob"  
"He starts things off with a classic, almost neutral question"  
"What's your problem"  
"Some of Celi's classic attitude problem coming through right there in her initial come-back"  
"You"  
"Oh, that had to hurt"  
"Wait for a classic come-back from our come-back princess"  
"Well, maybe I wouldn't be like this if I didn't have to look at you every day"  
"Classic. Never gets old"  
"Then maybe you should move out"  
"Can't see how Celi's going to recover from that blow"  
"I would, except then Kong would have your ass hanging on the wall. You live in a pigsty"  
"Double blow! Wow"  
"Well, I'd rather live in a dump than live with you"  
"Lets see Celi recover from that"  
"You do live in a dump, in case you had forgotten. Just look outside"  
"The look on Murdoc's face! How can he come back from that remark? Is this the end already"  
"I hadn't forgotten. It's just a bit hard to miss. Unless you're retarded. Oh right... I forgot. You are"  
"What a long, well-played move"  
"Excuse me... who the hell went to college? Oh, that's right! Not you"  
"Who the fuck needs a college degree when you're a musical jenius"  
"Someone who actually wants to live on their own"  
"Like you can do anything musical"  
"Oh, that's going to hurt him later, won't it, Bob"  
"That's right, Jerry"  
"Wait a second, Celi is pulling something out from her sweater. This is the huge moment of suspense. She has a trick up every sleeve and pant leg, doesn't she, Bob"  
"That's right, Jerry"  
"Contrary to popular belief, Murdoc, I have my degree in Music Arts. I've been playing for over fourteen years now"  
"She still hasn't reviled her mystery object"  
"Oh yeah? Then why do you sing like half-baked crap"  
"She's chuckling"  
"Haven't you ever heard the expression: 'It's a good thing you're in band, because you sing like shit"  
"Oh yeah"  
"She pulls it out! Oh, it's a piccolo! Better get your ear-plugs in, Jerry, because this is going to be a painful experience"  
"Correct you are, Bob"  
"As always, Jerry"  
"What the bloody fucking hell is that? That's no instrument"  
"It's a bloody piccolo, and it'll make your ears bleed with pain and torture"  
"Celi starts playing. It's shrill and painful to listen to"  
"Oh, the agony! Make it stop! Make it stop"  
"Jerry?! Are you okay"  
"The sound from one tiny instrument! The windows are cracking under the pressure! But, how is Murdoc doing"  
"He seems to be writhing in suppressed pain, Jerry"  
"What will he do, Bob"  
"OH SATAN'S UNKIND HELL-FIRE!! MAKE IT STOP"  
"Murdoc begs for Celi's mercy. Does this make him unqualified, Bob"  
"What kind of a Satanist are you, Murdoc?! The wimpy kind who begs for mercy"  
"Celi proves her ability to be able to kick someone when they are down"  
"What the fuck is that thing, anyways? It looks like a specility"  
"OH! That had to hurt! We haven't seen a Smack-Down this physical since the IIXXMMK game of 1764"  
"And who the bloody fucking hell are you guys? What are you muttering about in your little box? Hmm"  
"Uh-oh. Looks like we've been found out! Now we'll never see the end of the match! Bob?" (Sound of knuckles popping. Demented smiles.) "Oh crap..."

Next chapter: Is Celi sick?


	21. In Which There Is Sickness

Chapter Twenty-One: In Which There Is Sickness

"Where is Celi?" Murdoc asked, casually walking into the kitchen where everyone else was. "Don't bother her today, Murdoc," Noodle started. "I don't think that she's feeling very good." There was a thick pause; everyone waiting for Celi to pop up and correct Noodle's grammar. Nothing happened. "Wow. She must really be sick if she can't hear bad grammar from a mile away." 2D remarked. Murdoc only shrugged, walking back out of the kitchen.  
Celi had been with them for a bit under a month now, but Murdoc had never been to her room before. He briefly wondered what she did when she wasn't bugging the four of them before pushing the idea aside and knocking on her bedroom door.  
"Go away, Murdoc"  
"How the hell did you know it was me"  
"I'm just good like that." Murdoc opened her door and walked in anyways. Her room was plain- it was easy to tell that Russel had just thrown it together a few days before she had arrived. But, it seemed to fit Celi, though. There was a futon that Celi was lounging on under the window, with drawn, black curtains with little moons and stars. There was a book case at the "head" of the futon, facing outwards, mostly filled with thick text-books and papers, but there were a few books. It looked like mostly self-help books. There was a huge space of empty-ness before the left-most wall, which was taken up by the huge closet. The large, pink bunny that had previously been hanging in 2D's room was in front of the closet, and it looked like a giant, pink bean-bag chair. Along the wall to Murdoc's right, was a desk. Most of the surface was cluttered with picture frames, and her black and blue laptop was perched on the opposite end. "Nice place. I like what you've done with nothing"  
"What do you want"  
"Can't I just come in to see how you're doing"  
"No. What do you want"  
"Ouch, that hurts, Celi. What is wrong with me wanting to make sure that you're okay"  
"Because you only care about yourself, Murdoc"  
"Okay, now you're just rubbing salt into those wounds, Celi." Murdoc walked over to Celi's and knelt down by her bedside so that they were eye-to-eye. "I'm serious though, Celi. You've taken care of us for the past month, and now it's our turn to take care of you"  
"Aww, Murdoc, that's so sweet of you. But, I'm not really sick. I'm just sorta homesick"  
"Then we can take you back to your home!" Murdoc reassured her. "You disserve a trip home"  
"Thanks, but I don't think that would be the best. If I go home now, that'll only make me more homesick"  
"Oh, come off it. Where do you live"  
"South Wessex"  
"That's not very far from here! We don't even have to tell the others where we're going"  
"No! That would be lying"  
"Come on! Now... lets see here..." Murdoc strode over to Celi's closet, kicked the rabbit out of the way and threw open the left half. It was filled with various costumes. "Do you want to be an M&M or Lucky the Leprechaun?" Celi laughed and smiled brightly at him. "I'm thinking Tony the Tiger today." (To... much... alliteration)  
"Alright!"

Next chapter: Bonding time 


	22. In Which There Is Bonding

Chapter Twenty-Two: In Which There Is Bonding

"Muds and I are going out for a drive. We'll be back." Celi announced, breezing through the instrument room. Noodle asked something in rapid Japanese, and they started talking for a while.  
"And I just put it into the microwave and press one minute"  
"Yep! See you later!" Celi breezed out of the room at that point. "Why do I have the feeling that they weren't talking about dinner tonight?" 2D whispered to Russel. "Because this isn't the first time that they've done that." Russel reminded his rather slow friend. "Oh yeah! Right! I totally knew that!"

"So..." Murdoc started as Celi entered the freeway. "What did you tell everyone"  
"That we were leaving and that we'd be back. It's the truth and I did not lie to them"  
"But I bet that you and Noodle spoke in your secret Asian language of yours"  
"It's not a secret, Muds," Celi rolled her eyes. "You guys just haven't bothered to pick it up, which is good for us, because then we can talk behind your backs"  
"But you did say something to her, though"  
"Of course. Noodle is my friend"  
"And what about me? Am I a friend"  
"More like an annoying sibling who doesn't know how to leave well enough alone." Celi answered with a pompous air about her.  
"An annoying sibling? Come on! Russel says that we fight like an old married couple"  
"And old, married couple who just happen to be siblings"  
"Nasty!" Murdoc smirked at her. "So, tell me about yourself"  
"Well, what do you want to know"  
"Start at the beginning, from the very moment that you were conceived"  
"Your nasty, Muds. No one ever wants to think about that. EVER." Celi laughed lightly.

So, they drove, and they talked and bonded until Celi stopped the car in front of a small, quaint little house. "Well..." Celi started, getting out of the car with her overnight bag. "This is it." Murdoc followed her up the steps and into the house. The decor was obvious- white with blue flowers. Very clean and rather femine. "Sorry, it's a bit of a mess," Celi started, shoving magazines out of the way. "My neighbour has been watching the house and Clumzy for me." "Clumzy?" Murdoc asked, his question trailing off at the end as Celi opened up a door and a giant dog bounded towards him, barking with joy. "WHOA! Get this monster off of me!" Celi only laughed as she pulled her dog off from Murdoc.  
"Aww! She likes you!" Celi grinned at him.

Next chapter: NO LOINCLOTH!! 


	23. In Which There Is No Loincloth

Chapter Twenty-Three: In Which There Is No Loincloth

"Dammit! Soba, have you seen my apron"  
"I think I saw 2D wearing it the other day"  
"Eh? WTF? What now..." Celi sighed, stalking down to 2D's room to reclaim her apron. She held her hand up to knock on the door but dropped it as a rather primitive cry sounded from within. "WOOOOOOOooooooOOOOOOOO!" Celi kicked the door open and came face-to-face with 2D, who was currently wearing her apron; and nothing else.  
"2D!! What the bloody fucking hell are you doing"  
"Oh, I'm playing Tarzan"  
"NOT WITH MY APRON, YOU'RE NOT!!" "Apron? I thought that this was a loincloth"  
"PUT YOUR PANTS BACK ON AND GIVE ME BACK MY APRON!!" "Sheesh. You don't have to yell, Celi." Celi smacked him in the back of the head. Hard. "Ow! All right! All right! I'm going! Have your damned loincloth back"  
"IT'S NOT A LOINCLOTH, DAMIT!"

Next chapter: There are bigger fuck-ups in the world...

* * *

Good news everyone!! I would like to formally announce here and now that I have officially finished the series. (This isn't it, so don't worry!) I have 92 chapters and one and a half extra chapters which will probably end up on adultfanfiction as soon as I reach them... (and you will see why... Muahahaha!!)

I will give you more info once I get there though...


	24. In Which There Is A Meeting

Oh my Kami... I died. School kills me and then I went to Europe for sixteen days and then I just kept forgetting... Please don't kill me, too. *bows until her nose is on the ground.

Thank you if you are still reading this...

* * *

Chapter Twenty-Four: In Which There Is A Meeting

"Guys, I'm leaving."

"Where are you going? Who will you meet there? Will there be free food? If so, can I come? Will there be cute boys?" Noodle asked all in one breath.

"No, you can't come, Soba. I'm going to my Fuckupaholics meeting."

"What the fucking hell is that?" Murdoc asked.

"It's where people who are fucked up go and talk about how fucked up that they are."

"Sounds like fun. We'll come with."

"NO... You will not."

"Okay. We'll stop bothering you about taking us if you tell us how your fucked up."

"I'm currently living here, aren't I?"

"Good point."

"That'll do. For now. But as long as you wear this at your meeting." Murdoc handed Celi his Satanist's reversed cross.

"Oh, I don't have time to argue with you!" Celi grabbed the golden necklace and dashed out of the room. "There's lunch and dinner in the fridge! I'll see you guys tomorrow!"

*

The next day...

"So, how was your meeting?"

"Interesting. There was this new guy who's so fucked up. He found his wife cheating on him, with, get this, their own son."

"That's fucked up."

"And then there's this woman there, her husband was the fuck-up... Okay... the guy put a hamster up his ass, it crawled up to far, he couldn't reach it, so the man decides to stick a vacuum up his ass to try and get the hamster, and accidently sucks up his intestines."

"Eww... What kind of a retard would do something like that?"  
"Someone whom _everyone_ is glad is dead."

*

Next chapter: That's not mine!


	25. In Which There Is A Thong

Chapter Twenty-Five: In Which There Is A Thong

"Attention all Kong shoppers," Celi announced over the intercom system. "We are now having a one-day only wash sale. All articles of clothing, washed, dried, folded and returned to you for the low-low price of zero pounds and zero cents with a wonderful zero-percent interest rate and 100-percent money-back guarantee! But, one day only, so get your dirty clothes off your bedroom floor and into the laundry room by noon, or else you can kiss the sale _buh-bye_! Thank you, Kong shoppers, and have a nice day!" _Click_.

*

Celi was sorting laundry in the laundry room.

"Darks.... Dark... Dark... Dark... Darks..." Murdoc knocked on the open door, holding a bundle of dirty laundry.

"Put it here, Muds! Thanks!" Murdoc dumped the laundry and left, leaving Celi to her sorting. "Darks... Darks... Whoa... What the hell?" Celi spotted something that didn't look at all like it belonged to Murdoc. It was bright red and looked lacey. She pulled it out. REALLY not Murdoc's then, because it was a lacey, red thong. She snickered to herself as she tossed the thong onto the "underwear" pile and continued sorting. Oh, the ways to torture Murdoc...

*

"Oh, Murdoc..." Celi started, breezing into the instrument room. "I found something of yours that you're probably missing..."

"What's that?"

Celi walked right up to him so that their noses were almost touching.

"This."

Celi suddenly whipped out the thong and put it on Murdoc's head before jumping back about ten feet.

"What the bloody hell?!" Murdoc exclaimed, ripping the thong off. "This isn't mine!"

"Obviously." Celi muttered with an eye-roll. "I mean... unless you have something to tell us all, Muds..."

"What?!"

"Oh, you mean that you _weren't_ going to tell us about your sex-change?"

"MY WHAT?!"

"Oh, so it _is_ true, then!"

"I... you... thong... n-drrr! GET OUT!"

Celi dashed from the room saying something about her lucky charms that no one quite caught.

"Oh, she is _so_ going to pay for that..."

*

Next chapter: Murdoc's revenge (Of sorts...)


	26. In Which There Is Laughter

Chapter Twenty-Six: In Which There Is Laughter

"Celi, I think that you gave me your underwear," Murdoc announced, storming into the kitchen, where everyone else was eating breakfast.

"Wonderful!" Celi snatched back her white and black stripped panties from Murdoc, pulled out what looked like pink and white cones on a headband, stuck it on, with the cones covering her ears, and pulled her panties over her head, with the leg holes going over her new "ears".

"What the hell?!" Murdoc, 2D and Russel exclaimed.

"CHII!" Noodle exclaimed, pushing away her Texas-toast and jumped across the table to Celi.

"Why can't you just accept the revenge as it's handed to you, Celi!" Murdoc yelled at her. "What the hell is wrong with you? Must you make a comedy out of every tough situation?!"

A pause.

Celi finally cocked her head, and, very innocently, said but one word: "Chii?" This one word seemed to have so much hidden meaning behind it, because Noodle burst out laughing. The kind of laughing that makes it hard to breathe and has you clutching at your sides sort of laughter. And, the laughter was contagious, Celi joining in not long after Noodle had started.

The boys looked between the two girls in wonder.

"What's so funny?" Russel finally asked.

"Celi... and the... panties..." Noodle laughed.

"And remember that one time?" Celi asked.

"In the studio?"

"Yeah!"

"'You don't put panties on your head!'" They said in unison. They looked to each other before they burst out laughing again.

"Would anyone care to enlighten us in onto the secret of your little giggle fit?" 2D finally snapped once their giggles had simmered down. The girls looked to each other before finally speaking.

"Chobits." They said in unison. They looked to each other before they burst out laughing, once again.

"So much for your revenge, Muds," 2D sighed. "Maybe next time, man."

*

Next chapter: Cooking dirty


	27. In Which There Is Cooking

Chapter Twenty-Seven: In Which There Is Cooking

2D awoke to the most wonderful smell in the world. He smiled before wondering if he had woken up late. No, quite the opposite- it was seven thirty am. He grumbled, pulling on a pair of discarded jeans on his floor and walked up to the kitchen. He ran into Murdoc as he was entering the kitchen.

"What's going on?"

"Dunno. I'm about to find out, though." They walked into the kitchen. Celi and Noodle were fluttering around the kitchen like chickens with their heads cut off, preparing food.

"Hey, babe. What you doing?" Murdoc asked, placing his hands on Celi's hips and looking over her shoulder as she worked to peal potatoes, yams and carrots at the sink.

"I'm cooking; what's it look like, Murdoc?" She slapped his hands away with a random serving spoon.

"What are you cooking, though?" 2D asked, watching Noodle mash the already pealed potatoes. (Oh, the excitement!)

"Thanksgiving." Both girls answered at once.

"Now, get out." Celi growled, smacking Murdoc across the back of his hands with the spoon again. "And if you two are good boys, we'll let you lick the beaters." 2D snickered as Murdoc dragged him out of the room.

"Shut up! I want some of that cake!"

*

I don't really think that they were talking much about cooking at all... My mind is the daughter of the gutter! XD

Next chapter: In Soviet Russia...


	28. In Which There Is A RussianWannabe

This chapter hates me... I kept trying to upload it and the site kept giving me an error message... Okay, don't give me an error message... fix the stupid problem so that I can just upload this freaking chapter! But no... -.-;;;

* * *

Chapter Twenty-Eight: In Which There Is A Russian-Wannabe

"You know, in Soviet Russia, food eat you." Celi announced suddenly at dinner.

"Eh?!" Was all that 2D and Murdoc could say. Murdoc's fork clattered to the floor.

"Where the fuck did that come from?!" Murdoc swore, bending over to retrieve his fork.

"Oh, Celi saw a documentary on the Soviet Union on the TV last night and now thinks that she's Russian."

"Great! First a plant, and now a Russian!"

Flashback:

"Photosynthesis." Celi stated, lying flat on her back and raising her legs and arms up towards the sun. "Photosynthesis."

End Flashback.

"In Soviet Russia, flashbacks flashback you!" Celi stated happily before doing a Russian jig out of the room.

*

"You know..." Celi started, popping up from behind the couch, where everyone else was watching a scary movie.

"Ahh!" Everyone screamed with fright.

"Don't do that, Celi!" Noodle scolded her.

"In Soviet Russia-" Celi went on.

"TV watches you..." Everyone else finished.

"We know! We know!" Murdoc yelled. "Would you stop with this Russian thing already?! It's getting old really fast!"

"Okay. Sorry. I guess I'll just go back to pretending to be Japanese again." Celi and Noodle started speaking in Japanese for a few minutes.

"You're not really Japanese?!" Noodle suddenly yelled as Celi ran from the room laughing evilly. "She's not really Japanese. She's Korean."

"Ah." Russel sighed. "I suspected as much..."

*

"You know," Celi whispered.

"Celi... It's the middle of the night." Murdoc grumbled, turning over to glare at her.

"In Soviet Russia... Pussy eats you!"

"WHAT?!" Murdoc bolted up in his bed, but Celi was already gone.

*

Next chapter: Celi has a rather startling announcement...


	29. In Which Celi Is Up To Something

Chapter Twenty-Nine: In Which Celi Is Up To Something

Celi skipped merrily into the room in which everyone else was currently sitting in. Noodle acknowledged her presence, but otherwise, Celi was ignored.

"My boobs are magical!" Celi announced in a rather floral and femine voice. 2D started choking on the soda that he had been currently drinking when Celi made her announcement and couldn't stop for many minutes.

"Oooooooohhhhhhhhh Yeeeeeeaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh...." Murdoc sighed, nodding in agreement.

"Pervert," Celi hissed, blushing and looking away.

"Hey! I'm not the one who prances into here and announces that my boobs are magical!" Celi snickered evilly, pulling out a tape recorder.

"And now you are!" Celi dashed from the room saying something about her lucky charms that no one quite caught.

"Damn," Murdoc cursed under his breath. "Now she's going to post that up onto the Internet and everyone will think that I said that my boobs _are_ magical." Celi laughed evilly again, popping up from behind the sofa.

"WTF?!" Everyone exclaimed.

"Where did you come from?" 2D demanded.

"Over there," Celi pointed to the door. "And since Murdoc gave me the wonderful idea of posting these up onto the Internet... Now I will go do so!"

"Wait!" Murdoc exclaimed as Celi dashed out of the room at full speed. "What were you going to do with them before?!"

"You'll see! Muahahahaha..." Her evil laugh was cut short as she ran into her bedroom door. "_Ow_... Ha..." _Slam_!

Next chapter: Damned zombies...


	30. In Which There Is Zombie Hunting

Chapter Thirty: In Which There Is Zombie Hunting

"Gaa!" Celi screamed, slamming a small hand gun down on the kitchen table. "I am bloody sick and tired of these god-fucking zombies! There are zombies everywhere! And it's time that I do something about them!"

There was a pregnant pause, in which everyone looked at everyone else.

Then, everyone started laughing.

"Fine. Laugh. See what I care. Well, I'm off to buy a bigger gun then! Tootles!" Celi skipped out of the room and everyone looked at each other again.

"Is she serious?" Russel finally questioned.

"It's hard to tell," Noodle mused. "We do have a _bit_ of a zombie problem around here..."

"Maybe she will hunt down some zombies..." 2D muttered. "She seems like a good enough shot..."

"Well, lets wait and see..."

"Well, I'm back from the store!" Celi announced, gently placing a gun down onto the kitchen table. "What do you think?"

"I think that your crazy," Russel announced. "You can't just go out there and shoot zombies! They'll eat you alive!"

"Which is why I've bought a sniper gun!" Celi ran her fingers down the sleek exterior of the gun. "Isn't she pretty? I think that I'm going to call her... 'Raki Hanta'."

"Okay. Fine. Get yourself eaten by zombie for all I care. Which I don't, by the way. Care, I mean. I don't care." Murdoc huffed before storming out of the room.

"What's with him?" Noodle mused.

"Must be his time of the month." Celi snickered.

It was the sound of a gun being fired that drove everyone up to the rooftop to see Celi in action.

"Keep low," Celi hissed, motioning them down as they peeked up from the trap door on top of the building. "They don't know that we're up here. To stupid to realize it." Celi was crouched behind the lip of the rooftop, peeking out through the scope of her sniper gun. She closed her left eye, opened it back up again, adjusted her position, closed her left eye again, opened it up again and fired. The others peeked over the lip just in time to see a zombie below get its head blow off in a clean shot.

"Bingo..." Celi whispered, pressing her dramatically red-painted lips to the barrel of her gun. "Another one down."

Translation:

Raki Hanta: Lucky Hunter

Next chapter: Smoking is bad for you!


End file.
